I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Randomize
