I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
