I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
