i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
When did angry sex become our thing?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
