After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize