yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Randomize
