My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
