How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
