her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
