I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
