True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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