I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
