I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
