Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
