there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
