I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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