Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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