he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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