just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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