he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
