He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
