As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
