I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
