I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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