Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
