I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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