She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
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