I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
