"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize