So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
