I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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