Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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