I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
