I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
