I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
