sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
just tell him i said nine months
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
