sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
