wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Only a mothe r could love this liver
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
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