he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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