We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
They have beer where we have blood.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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