About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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