If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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