All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
