redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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