the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
