You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
