...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
