I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
