Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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