too bad you live with your parents still
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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