But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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