dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
