$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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