There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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