if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
