When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
