You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
