She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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