YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
