I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
