24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I FOUND THE LEGS
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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