I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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