no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I need a beard to bite.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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