There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize