The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
