Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
