we made out on top of his cat.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize