If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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