i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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