Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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