so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
