I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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