I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
