turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
