While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
