ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
