I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
