I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
