I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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